A little/big moment...

Today Ellie and Iwent for lunch at Dairy Queen. While we were sitting in our little booth Ellie suddenly says, "Mom, what is the best thing about having me?" Wow. Here is where I have the opportunity to say something so powerful and profound as to help her with her identity. She may remember my answer forever, it may be imprinted on her little heart and stay with her always. Maybe not. But likely it will have some kind of an impact. "Well, " I said trying not to over think my answer, "I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. Ever." And even as I said that I second guessed my answer. Is this too much pressure? Is it more? Or just different. At any rate, she immediately said, "But what about Dad?" With a furrow in her brow. "Oh, I love your Daddy too, but it is a different kind of love." She got teary-eyed reached accross the table and said, "Thanks, Mom." And kissed me. Then I also said that the other great thing about being her mom was watching her grow and become a young lady and someday an adult. I said I couldn't wait to see what she was going to do in her life, who she would love someday, etc. As I was saying these things, I had one of those out-of-body things I sometimes have with people. You know, like I am suddenly a movie camera taping this moment for later. I simultaneously soared into the future looking at her as an adult accross from me and talking about what is going on in her life and being here in this booth. I wonder if my Mom ever has those moments. I am so grateful to have been her Mother these 7 years, and even more grateful that we have had this time without any other children up until now. We have an incredible bond that will never be broken. It is like I have with my Mom, I sometimes felt like an only child as my sisters were all quite a bit older than I was. And now we will have another little baby, and again I will have lots of one on one time with him or her and will have an equally as strong bond.

She was talking also about a girl in her school "Mom, don't you think that Rachel's little sister looks JUST like her?" I told her that was interesting. And did she know that they were both adopted? "Really????!" She said, genuinely surprized! "That is so cool!" God is amazing how he plants little seeds in conversations sometimes. "Ellie," I said, "you know that Dad and I have been talking about adopting again, right?" She looked up from her onion ring, "Really?" "Ya, but we are thinking about from a different country." And she stopped and looked up, "Liiiiiiike...." I thought, I wonder what country she is going to say, Florida? Where disney world is? Mexico??
"Africa?" She says! I couldn't believe it!
"YES! Africa! A country called Ethiopia." And then we got into a very indepth geographical conversation as we sometimes do about how Alberta is a part of Canada and Canada is a part of North America... she is still a bit uncertain how all that works, but she is getting the idea. Anyway, it was lovely, and she was not the least bit alarmed or put out about it. So we shall see. We will keep going in bits and parts like that so she is not overwhelmed by it all.

Afterwards I drove her back to school, and as always I waited after she left the car and watched her running to the back of the school. Without fail these are the most amazing times for me. Honestly. I watched her running from me, singing to herself and scanning the crowd for her friends. I heard her little voice echo inside my head, "Mom, what's the best part about having me?" And my heart just began to swell as I watched her run in her freedom, her zest, her love of the moment. It swelled and swelled until tears rolled out of my eyes, my love for her literally bursting out of my chest in pride and happiness for her life and her joy and her place in this world. What is the best part Ellie?... what is?
YOU.
Just you.
YOU ARE THE BEST PART, and I love you.
And by then she had disappeared into the crowd of tag playing and wrestling kids, no doubt joyfully telling her friends she got to go to DAIRY QUEEN for lunch WITH MY MOM!! Like I had just taken her to the greatest place on the planet. But really, anytime we spend with her would be the greatest place. I know it won't always be like that between us, but for now... I'll gladly take it.