Hello on a Wednesday

Hey there! So, Ayana has chicken pox! Poor thing. She's covered in them and every once in awhile she gets a major attack of the itchies. She cries and jumps up and down and even grabs my hand and pulls it to her as if trying to get me to give her relief. She is covered from head to toe in calamine. We are on day 4 of the pox, so in about 3 days she should be right as rain.

I went away last weekend, by myself. It was amazing, to say the least. I relaxed, ate, swam, walked and spent hours and hours just staring out my window at the mountains. I listened to music, watched very little TV. I had a massage by a totally cute 2o something boy that made me feel like Mrs. Robinson. Yes, the gods were shining on me that weekend! :) I have to admit I do feel better, but it is only a bandaid to my issues. But I am working on it.

I have been working out EVERY single day. I mean EVERY day. Unless my legs are too sore from weights is the only time I take a day off. Exercise is supposed to do the same thing as prozac and it just makes me feel great, so I love it. And I can see changes already happening in my body. In just a couple of months I will be 41 and I plan on having a transformed body by then. I wanted to have one when I turned 40, but with Ayana just being home, it was not a priority. Now it is. Must get well, in shape, be healthy. Ellie said to me, "Mom! You're not fat!" And I explained that I know I'm not fat, but I want to be strong and healthy so I can live a really really long time to be with my girls. I know she got it. Ayana "works" out with me, and it is beyond cute. She lifts this little 2 pound weights, well not really lifts them, but she carries them around. She gets on the floor with me to do her abs, and then does her "stepping" and marching in place. She is wonderfully patient while I work out, THANK GOD.

As I may have said before I am really feeling my age in a way I have never felt it before. I'm not sure why. Mostly in terms of my career. Women in the film business, and in particular my position do have a shelf life, I'm afraid. And the business has all but completely dried up in Calgary, and that is very frightening. We have been very loosely talking of moving to Van if things do not improve in the next couple of years. Regan really does not want to, and I am not keen no pulling up my kids roots, but really, what choice would we have. I'll keep you posted on all of that in the year or two ahead.

I have been very distracted, to say the least, with being overwhelmed, and today I have resolved to get my house in order. Or at least start. In the past throwing myself into domesticity has worked. And since Ayana is sick and contagious, I am stuck at home and might as well make the best of it.

My next lovely time away will be with my bestfriend in the first week of May. We are driving to Vancouver together, and then she leaves a few days later and I am staying for at least 6 days, maybe more. Regan is going on a motorcycle trip at the end of this month for at least 2 weeks, supposed to be the Baja, but may not be. He will be missing Ayana's birthday, and Easter. When he gets back it will be only a couple of short weeks when I can get away, and by then I will definately need it. I then will drive back by myself. 10 hours in a car alone listening to music and my own thoughts. I cannot WAIT.

I have not written to the network about "Bein Ian" yet, but I plan too. I wonder how many adoptees had to watch that crap and ask their parents, "Mom? What's wrong with being adopted?" Ugh.

Have a great day!