No medical...

So it's Saturday. Yesterday was a blur. Regan and I were literally like zombies walking around we were so exhausted. We took Ellie to Chinook Mall, had lunch and then went bowling. We had a great time bowling, when we were'nt laying down on the seats waiting for our turns. Pathetic. Anyway, Ellie took it all in stride and was very happy to have all three of us together. Ellie and I had movie night and we were both asleep by 930. I told Regan yesterday that this was THE LAST time we would both be working at the same time. It is NOT FAIR to Ellie that BOTH of her parents are not "there" mentally or emotionally due to exhaustion and in my case both exhaustion and stress. Not doing it anymore. Finished. Finito. And I am going to have to change my message to say I am REALLY ACTULLY NO JOKE NOT AVAILABLE FOR WORK becuase I am STILL getting calls from people wanting me to call them back anyway "just to see". And I am going to have to get tough and say a firm NO to the people, mostly also friends of mine, when they phone begging me to work as there are no other folks out there because it is so busy. We have already added another day to this stupid show, so a week from today we will be done. Anyway, in a few months Ayana will be home and I will be home for good anyway, but for now Ellie is my number one priority and that's that. Besides, Regan's career is really taking off as a camera operator, Woo hoo! He operated a couple of times this week, and they have upgraded him to operator for all of next week. I think by next summer he will be operating entirely. And I bet that in 2 or 3 years he will be DP-ing (director of photography). And once he hits that level he can be a Director of Photography until he's dead as there is no heavy lifting involved outside of a light meter which is about the size of a tv remote control. So that is great news for him, he has waited for YEARS for someone to give him a break, and everyone is very very impressed by his natural ability. He is going to do great things... just watch.

No medical in the pouch for us on Friday.. at least I haven't heard anything, and in this case no news is not so good news. I am trying to stay positive about this, but at the moment am feeling a bit of the waiting "blues" which is totally normal and all of my adoptive buddies are feeling the same thing. It has been 10 weeks since our court date, and my gut feeling is telling me that we won't be travelling until late December, maybe even January. Some people at work have been saying "That must be so hard for you, I mean she is your baby!" And I say, "Yes it is, but I have been blocking it out so it doesn't drive me crazy as I have no control over the situation" and they go on and on about it "But isn't it hard? I mean she is YOURS." And I kind of stare at them with this blank look and my brain is thinking, "You are looking for a reaction from me as to how in love I am with this baby, or you want to see some emotion about this", and I say to them, "Well, we knew before we started this that the wait would be hard, so we have mentally and emotionally been prepared as much as possible, eventhough it is hard.. the hardest thing we've ever done... we knew this part was coming." Anyway, and then then STILL go on and on. At which point I just smile and move on. I think it is a tough concept for some people to grasp unless you are in it. Even Regan yesterday in the car burst out saying, "WHEN is are we going to hear something!" With his fists sort of in the air in a half joking way. It was sweet, he is very excited and the waiting is hard on all of us. I said that the medical didn't come in , and that we are still waiting for that before the visa can come in, and Ellie said... "I hope it's soon!". Yesterday I was feeling a lot of stress over stupid work, and I sat in the rocking chair in her room and just breathed and focused on the big picture. In a week the people that are causing stress for all of us will be out of my life and all of the things that are happening now will no longer be happening. And a year from now we will be a family of four getting ready to celebrate Ellie's 9th birthday.

Have a great day!