Too excited

I am laying in bed and Ellie is finally asleep, and normally I would flick on the tube and read or knit or whatever till I go to sleep. But my brain is racing. In the best way! I was laying there and thinking about how wonderful everything is right now, and that we are soooo close to flying all the way accross the world, me, Ellie, Regan and my Mom, to go and meet our precious, precious girl. I cannot even believe it. I picture that day, as every single adoptive mom before me has done (or with me in the case of some of my friends who are also waiting) and I imagine how it will all go. Will she be scared of us? Will she cry? Will she be curious and quiet and grab at Regan's beard? Will Ellie want to hold her? Will the video camera and camera work? Will it be a surreal and out-of-body experience? We've all seen those georgous gotcha day videos. Parents holding out their arms to the caregiver bringing their babies to them, or older children cautiously walking into their new parents arms. Or as in one case older children running into their new parents arms and holding on for dear life. You can almost hear their thoughts screaming in joy, " I have a Mom!! I have a Dad!! Thank you God!!" I am very emotional tonight. Adoption is such an amazing beautiful gift to all involved, and very very sad as well for the birth parents at times. The little boy, Dustin, I told you about who played Brad Pitt's son? Well, his mother passed away last Friday morning. I got the call later that day, and found out that he was in fact adopted. This hit me extra hard. His birth mother was very likely not imagining that her beautiful little baby would lose the only mother he has ever known to cancer at age 10. He is surrounded by loved ones, though, and his father is looking after him again.

Ayana. It reminds me of when I was pregnant with Ellie and I would imagine what her "birthday" would be like. What my labour would be like. All of the questions. I had high expectations, I have to admit. I watched "A Baby Story" on TLC for 3 years and was terrified of giving birth in a hospital for fear they would give me every intervention on the planet. As it was, I had a home birth, and it was a grand total of 3 hours and 20 minutes long. (Don't hate me.). but very very hard and fast. And the most beautiful, spiritual, moving experience of my life. It exceeded my expectations in every way. The funny thing is, apparently it was so dark in our bedroom that you could hardly see anything, my mom was taking pictures and was praying... Lord, I hope I am actually taking pictures of Lisa and not the wall! Anyway, as Ellie made her appearence I could see everything as if it was daylight in the room. Her head was out and I said her name and she turned her head ( I found out later that they all do that as they are coming out... but I digress). She came out and on to my chest and it was the most glorious moment of my life up till that point. Regan, my sister Kim, and my Mother were all around me and Ellie, and I called for my Dad who was watching Seinfeld reruns downstairs with the TV on REALLY loud, and up he came. Anyway, all I am saying is that I imagined it, and it couldn't have happened any better. In fact, later I read my birthplan that the midwives suggested I draw up ahead of time, and it was practically exactly how I had written it weeks before. How's that for the law of attraction! I can't wait to experience Ethiopia with my family too. It has been my Mom's life long dream to travel to Africa, and I am so thrilled and honored that she is coming with us. And it will be so great for Ellie too, to have her there. They are very close and my Mom just "gets" her, you know? Anyway, I guess I have blabbered on enough. Goodnight.